Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
