Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
