Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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