she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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