I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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