I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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