Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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