Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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