i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
