No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
