I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
