I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
