My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
