Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
