GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
