jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
