I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
someone owes me an orgasm
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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