Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
