I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize