my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
