I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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