i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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