bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
