fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
