I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
