So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
wow bdsm is so cute
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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