Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
