feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
