Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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