saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
