She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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