If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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