the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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