everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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