I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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