i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
