there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
