She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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