By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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