Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
