Just fell off a train. Bad.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
