Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
