I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
