Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂