I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria