My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
