Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
