John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
