My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
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he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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