we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
