this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
