he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize