I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
