i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
