NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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