I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
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can u get pink eye on your cock?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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