you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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