it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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