Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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