I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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