I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
