Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
