So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
