Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize