I got chris browned last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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